In the immortal words of one of doom metal's most influential forbearers:


Oh you didn't, Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath? You didn't think you were "going to make it Devil music?" Tony, let me tell you something: YOU'RE PLAYING GUITAR FOR BLACK FUCKING SABBATH! What did you think you were going to make it? Did you think you were writing songs for the Spice Girls? How much were you smoking exactly? Either, way too much or definitely not enough.

Anyway Tony, you knew from the very start you were "making it Devil music." And please know that this is in no way a criticism. No sir. Not on this blog anyway. Mr. Iommi, you're a hero here. A role model.

But Tony, you knew you were making it Devil music. Come on now. However, I'll give you this: you may not have known that you were writing in the Devil's Interval...


Of the "long-haired guitar wizards," Tony, you are the undisputed king.

Step 1. Read The Saddest Thing I Own blog.

Step 2. There is no step 2.


The word "sad" (and its derivatives) appears ten times in the above quote... just so you know. And, the following is a quote from the text that accompanies the blog entry that accompanies the above screen grab... you know, just to get you started:


Kinda makes you want to lie in the bath with box of razor blades... doesn't it?

Let's continue with the coffin talk, shall we?


I'd like to be buried in a giant novelty burrito... complete with oozing guacamole. I think that would accurately and succinctly depict the way I've lived. Yep. Giant novelty burrito. My entire life can be represented by a giant novelty burrito.

I need a hug...

Link (via MAKE)

Would you like to know what your favorite cartoon character's skeleton looks like? I know that I would. Here is a gallery by Michael Paulus displaying his interpretations of the skeletal structure of some well known cartoon heros. Totally brilliant!

(If this looks familiar, I did blog about it awhile ago... on the other blog)

Up until this point, I really thought that wicker had only one practical purpose: the creation of 2-story tall, flaming effigies (a la Wicker Man... What!? You've never seen the Wicker Man!? Yeah, don't bother). Anyway, I was so wrong. You can make caskets out of wicker too! The Somerset Willow Company's talented basket weaving staff weaves, by hand, wonderful wicker coffins.

Link (via Boing Boing)

Finally, an answer to a question that has been plaguing my readers since the inception of this blog: Where, oh where, can one purchase quality skulls on the internet? Well, at Skulls Unlimited, of course. Skulls Unlimited, "the World's Leading Supplier of Osteological Specimens," (yeah, I had to look up osteological too) is your one-stop-shopping source for all your skully needs (note: Skulls Unlimited does not carry anything related to or resembling Dana Scully)!


Wow. I need some cooler hobbies.

Satan and Black Metal go together like leather and porn. Leather and Black Metal go together like Satan and porn. You know what, Satan, Black Metal, porn, and leather all go together... like beer and bar fights... which, incidentally, would go incredibly well with Satan, Black Metal, porn, and leather. So what have we learned here? Satan, Black Metal, porn, and leather go with just about anything.


Yep... Satan truly is the original porn star (just try to dispute that). So anyway, this marriage of satanism, pornography, and Black Metal is a long overdue tribute to the original porn star: The one, the only, Lucifer. The Morning[porn]star. The devil dong.

Link (via BLABBERMOUTH)

If only I could store my cutlery in some kind of severed head or maybe even a bright red voodoo doll. Yeah, I'd probably be more apt to cook if I could stab things while doing so... preferably human effigies of some sort.

Oh! My prayers have been answered!

Link (via Popgadget and Boing Boing)

Where would I LIKE DEAD THINGS be without taxidermy? I mean really, "the art or operation of preparing, stuffing, and mounting the skins of dead animals for exhibition in a lifelike state!?" That's practically the mission statement of this blog.

Anyway, Gordon Wilding's taxidermy sculpture is beautiful, weird, and very dead.

Link (via we make money not art)

This magical pizza box transforms into a cardboard coffin in which a happy patron can store their "remains" (a.k.a. leftovers). The restaurant (located in New Zealand) is called Hell Pizza, 666 is in the phone number, and apparently, they answer the phone with a warm "Welcome to Hell..."

Pizza box and coffin. Two things at once. It's like the American dream... come true... in New Zealand.

Link (via Happysmurfday)

In 1927, Mr. Albert Vanderlaan filed a patent. Mr. Vanderlaan filed a patent because, apparently, cemeteries annoyed him:


Mr Vanderlaan thought cremation to be a temporary fix, but really, he just wanted to tile his bathroom with the ashes of the dead. What!? Exactly.


This patent application for a "process to safeguard the human ashes forever and beyond peradventure of mischance against loss or mutilation," is worth reading for the verbiage alone.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
-Depends how hard you throw them.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
-It was chained to a bumper.

Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
-So you can see the expression on its face.

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
-You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What do you call a guy adorned in dead babies?
-Art.

Phillip Toledano's dead baby suit is simply gorgeous. Perfect for weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs... you name it. The last suit you'll ever need to buy...

Link (via Boing Boing) (more dead baby jokes)

"Pope" has always been synonymous with "satan" in my vocabulary. That's why this accidental (yeah right!) photo of the Pope with devil horns comes as no surprise to me.

This post, while wholly groundbreaking in itself, brings up another interesting, yet somewhat unrelated, question for debate: Should one capitalize the word satan in writings such as this? The internet does provide valid arguments for both sides of the pitchfork (like "satan is a loser" found at the bottom of the first link). However, my thoughts are as follows: He's the goddamn Prince of Darkness! That's gotta count for something... right? Anyway, if I'm adhering to formality and capitalizing the word Pope on this blog, then damn it, Satan is gonna get some love too! All hail Satan, the Demon King! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Jessica Joslin's sculpture is simply wonderful. She uses animal bones and other ornamental pieces (like brass hardware, antique lamp fittings, velvet, leather, etc...) to create these truly splendid creatures... something one might expect to see crawl out of a Jan Svankmajer film. I'd like to have one as a pet. Lucios is particularly adorable... and frighteningly so.


Oh... and it seems that the other Joslins are pretty talented as well.

And speaking of things in bound in human skin, why not your laptop? For the mere price of 500 euros (approx. $640 USD), you too can wrap your laptop in synthetic human skin.

I know, I know... I was disappointed to discover that it's synthetic too.

Link (via TechEBlog)

Books bound in human skin. What more needs to be said? Except maybe...


Oh, Ash... is there anything you can't do?

Link 1, Link 2 (via Boing Boing)

So, this is what my new favorite insect, a wasp named Ampulex Compressa, does: When it's time for the female to lay an egg, she finds a cockroach and stings it once to temporarily paralyze its front legs. Then she stings it again, this time in the brain. The wasp uses probes to find the part of the cockroach's brain that controls its escape reflex and injects a venom that disables its will to flee.

Freaky! Now, get this:


Zombie cockroach!? Yes indeed.

And from there, the female wasp lays her egg on the roach, which hatches, crawls inside, and eats its way out... but you can read all about that in the article.

The first post is always the trickiest. How does one begin a blog about an unnatural fondness for dead things? Well, with a fawn in a jar, of course!

Unfortunately, the auction is long since dead. But apparently, this li'l cutie was once up for bid on ebay. Darn! I would have liked to have bid. That jar would have looked swell on my mantle... right next to The Bambi Molesters CD anthology box set.

It's true. I like dead things. In fact, the deader the better. And why? Well, it's really quite simple: I'm a disturbed young man.

In actuality, however, I'm very well-adjusted. I am. Really. Just ask my Mom (she'll also tell you that I'm handsome and quite a catch. Hi Mom!). It's just... well, I've always had an obsession - no, let's call it a fascination - with elements of a darker nature, yet I've never been one to take this fascination too seriously. My unyielding love of zombie movies, for example, is a prime illustration of this characteristic. The zombie movie, while exhilarating in every sense of the word, is just a movie. I heart zombies. I really do. But I also know that they're not real. And you know what else? They're kind of cute too... in that helpless kitten sort of way. All they want are some brains or flesh to feed on. Is that too much to ask? Wobbling around and moaning... they're just hungry. Anyway, my point is that zombies, while decaying desecrations of death, are pretty darn delightful. Wait. Is that my point? No, I think my point is that as I maintain this blog, I will strive to keep one foot firmly planted in reality and will always attempt to have my tongue firmly positioned in my cheek. And so, despite my love of all things zombie, I know that, realistically, there is no legitimate reason to worry about a zombie outbreak (in my lifetime, anyway. My housemate has always said, "When it comes to zombie infestation, it's not a matter of IF, but more a matter of WHEN." Ahh... bless her paranoid little soul).

Fine fine fine... So you like dead things. I get it. But, what does your unhealthy obsession... er, fascination have to do with this blog? I mean, what the heck is this thing about, anyway? Well, I'm glad you asked. I LIKE DEAD THINGS is about all things dark, disturbing, and... well, dead. Posts will range in topic, but every entry will be united under one universal theme: creepiness. Yep. No blogging about the Care Bears on this site... unless they're mutant bizaaro Care Bears that come alive during the night to collect human eyeballs. Yeah, that'd definitely be blog-worthy. But, it's important to note that, much like my fascination with elements of a darker nature, I LIKE DEAD THINGS will never take itself too seriously. It is my intention to find the humor amidst the creepiness, and blog about it without remorse.

Let's recap, shall we?

1. I like dead things. It's true. I do.

2. I'm very well adjusted. Just ask my Mom.

3. Zombies are delightfully cute.

4. This blog is about all things dark, disturbing, and dead.

5. Despite the morose theme, this blog will endeavor to find humor amidst the death... and it is there. It may be at the bottom of a pool of blood, but it is there. And I'll find it. I'll wade through blood until I stub my toe against it. And then, of course, I'll blog about it.

And there you have it. Enjoy... if you can.