"We were deep in the clutches of a weeklong absinthe binge when the Divine Hand of Brilliance touched us in an inappropriate place. When this vision came, we knew we must create a haven for all the sinister crafters of the world. No more would we be cowed into silence by cheerful scrapbook stickers. Never again would we be forced to gleefully execute a sweater of intarsia puppies. The green fairy had blessed us with an exotic vision we were powerless to deny. We madly scrambled for pen and paper with which to compose our opus. Finding none, we took up our knitting needles and carved text into the walls. With an old tube of Vamp we illustrated our glorious creation. Upon release from the hospital, we returned to our lives with renewed direction and embarked upon this project with the fervor of a snake-kissing Pentecostal who has an anti-venom kit."

"Linda Kay, 31, was due to be arraigned Wednesday for improper disposition of human remains...officers responded to a report of a man wanting to kill himself with a hammer, but instead discovered a hand inside a jar filled with formaldehyde on a dresser in a bedroom. Six human skulls were found in an upstairs bedroom..."